Thursday, May 14, 2009
Guys are people too
How Life Changed...
Somehow my life completely went upside down and I became this strange, miserable version of myself.
This first graph is a visual of how my life was before I started dating that guy in high school.
The numbers on the left are just for the graph. They don’t really mean anything but they help complete the graph…
Oh, and btw, this is my first attempt at making graphs in Excel! I did pretty well, right?
Well, if you have seen some of my pictures you will know I wasn’t the hottest thing around. But I had some friends and I was happy with it.
Popularity: My popularity was alright. Not scum of the earth, I guess I was somewhere in the middle.
Parties: The parties I went to were mostly chick flicks and watching popcorn with my girls. I lied a little about my grades. I was not a good student but I don’t recommend lying about anything because they always find out!!
My family life was alright. Had some issues and still do but all in all, it was alright.
This next graph is of my life with that guy and a little bit after we dated.
What do you notice?
A lot different, right?
My popularity went up because if you remember he was a cute, popular football player. I started hanging out with all the athletes and cheerleaders. But I became known for doing all those other things. I got called the icky names like a “garden utensil” among others.
The parties I was going to now were no longer chick flicks. They were parties where people drank alcohol and had sex. So this is why the drinking section of my life went up.
I was lying to my parents about everything. I did not want them to know where I was, who I was with, what I was doing…
So my family life went down. I hung out with my boyfriend all the time and never wanted to be around my family for fear they would find out the truth.
There are two things this graph does not tell you.
I never got pregnant.
I never got a disease.
But like I said earlier, I became a strange miserable version of myself. I was not happy! I was probably the furthest from happy I have ever been. I thought this guy would make me feel good about myself but in reality, I felt worse. After we broke up it hit harder. I felt disgusting and unworthy of anything good.
My stupid habits stayed the same for a little longer.
But then something happened…
Monday, April 20, 2009
LaFonduh...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Now What?? - Chapter 3 of B.A.'s Story
In my previous post, Chapter 2, I left off last with my attempt to confront my father since he learned that my boyfriend and I were having sex. I went into my dad’s room, slightly hyperventilating, almost begging for him to ground me or something to get it all over with.
Do you remember what he did instead? I’m standing in front of him… he wouldn’t even look at me. He just looked at the floor for a while and simply said, “Maybe we’ll talk tomorrow.”
What do you think is worse, when your parents say they’re angry with you or they’re disappointed in you? When I share my story with students, feel worse when their parents say they’re disappointment. Parents have a standard for us and it stinks when we feel like we have completely let them down. My dad was so quiet and distant with me. I was deeply distressed.
It was only 4:00 or 5:00 pm and I knew it was going to be a long night. I trudged down the hall and went in to my room. Then I called my boyfriend. “We’re in big trouble, Dad found out!” I screeched on the phone. “Oh, crap! What did he do?” he bumbled and I replied, “Nothing. Dad’s not looking at me or talking to me. He might talk to me tomorrow. He might kill me tomorrow… he’s definitely going to kill you soon.”
This was a pivotal moment because his response revealed my boyfriend’s true character. Do you think he said something like, “It’s okay, Babe. We’ll get through this together”? Even though you don’t know him I bet you can figure it out. His basic reaction was this, “Well… are we done? …Is it over?”
I didn’t really know what to say because I couldn’t really believe what I was hearing. I started to think to myself… well, I guess our relationship IS only based on sex… but hopefully we can stay together and work on all that other stuff. So I said, “I don’t think we need to break up but I’ll call you after my dad talks to me tomorrow.”
We did not break up on the phone but we had no clue what was around the corner. My life was changing, spinning out of control. I hated nearly everything about my life.
The next morning, after a fretful night of sleep, I woke up and approached my dad’s room. I was exhausted, nervous and anxious about what my dad would say since he basically hadn’t said anything to me since the night before.
I began my hyperventilating/talking thing again and this time he told me he had just cut the grass and he’d talk to me after he washed all the grass clippings off in the shower. I sat on the edge of his bed and waited for what seemed like an eternity. When he finally came and talked to me he did not make me break off the relationship. But he had an idea.
My dad decided that any time I wasn’t at school and he wasn’t at work we would be buddies. My dad started going everywhere with me. If my boyfriend asked me out, my dad went with us. Every teenage guy’s dream, right? NOT!
But, realistically that didn’t happen too often. My boyfriend wasn’t too thrilled about the three of us hanging out. So we didn’t see each other outside of school anymore. And how long do you think we lasted?
A lifetime?
Well, we broke up after a couple weeks of this new routine. I think we realized that we really had nothing in common and our relationship had no other foundation besides sex. I had not only lost my virginity but other things that were very precious to me…like the trust of my parents, self-respect and friends.
In my next post, I’ll show you graphs of my life. (PS. Things get better eventually!)
MY POINT: MY STORY ISN’T THAT UNCOMMON. BEOFRE YOU MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES, THINK ABOUT THE DIRECTION YOU WANT TO GO IN YOUR LIFE. RE-EXAMINE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS. SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE COMPLICATES THINGS. YOU ARE WORTH WAITING FOR!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Looking for my keys...Chapter 2 - B.A.'s Story
My boyfriend drops me off at my house and I move my car. While I’m walking into the house, I run into my brother. He was on his way out and quickly said, “Hey, Dad’s upset about something… I don’t know what it is, but I’ve gotta go, so good luck.” I’m thinking, gee, thanks. My dad and I are close so I told my brother I’d just go talk to him and see what was up.
I was on my way up to my dad’s room to talk to him I ran into my mom on the stairs. She had this really serious look on her face….. one of those looks where you see a parent and you’re just like, uh-oh this isn’t going to be good.
I thanked my mom for the warning and headed to my dad’s room again. By the way, when I get really nervous I forget to exhale. So with all the courage I could muster, I start talking to my dad…Words are coming out in short little bursts; kind of similar to someone really out of breath trying to tell a story. I had braced myself for the worst because I had no clue how my dad would react, I just knew it wasn’t going to be good. I was prepared for an explosion.But the problem was, my dad didn’t erupt with anger. Instead all I got was silence…What was I going to do?
Monday, March 9, 2009
We were just watching a movie...
I have always thought of myself as kind of an average girl. I have included a few pictures for your enjoyment and amusement. Feel free to giggle to yourself. I wasn’t exactly smoking/ hot or anything! I never dreamt of becoming a doctor or beauty queen, I just wanted to get through my day at school and talk to my best friend on the phone. We would talk about what some cute boy did at school that day or how many times we heard our favorite song on the way home from school. Then I would have dinner before doing homework and going to bed. My days were routine and I was completely okay with that.
I grew up in a family that moved every five years and we settled in a new town for middle school. Surprisingly, I survived those three years without much drama, no boyfriends, no dates or anything. I thought some guys were cute but that was about it.
But things gradually got more complicated in high school and sophomore year is when the pace became much faster.
One day, toward the end of my tenth grade year, a cute guy in one of my classes tapped me on the shoulder. Oh my gosh. I had no clue what he was going to say but I was excited that he wanted to talk to me. ME! So I was shocked that this popular, athletic guy wanted to speak to me in public. AND he actually asked me to go on a date. My face turned bright red and my jaw hit the floor. He casually asked me to grab some food and go see a movie.
Of course I said yes. I mean, hello, I was not about to turn down a popular, good looking football player! I was late to my next class because my best friend and I were celebrating in the stairwell… and I mean celebrating. When I told her who asked me out we were both jumping up and down, squealing like little girls. Needless to say, this was a big deal.
Our date was the typical dinner and movie thing. Nothing special. When asked me out again, of course I said yes. We dated the rest of sophomore year and through the summer. He was the only person I hung out with that summer. I was too much in love with him to pass up a second of time together. He often had football practice but other than that, we were always together.
Everything was going perfect or at least that I kept trying to believe. But I was changing and not for the better.
Toward the end of the summer we were hanging out at his parents’ house watching a movie in his room like normal when we started to make out. While the two of us were making out he kind of leans back to ask me something. I will never forget the look on his face. He looked at me and asked, “you wanna do it?”
Dream come true, right girls??
I actually thought about it for a minute. I sort of said to myself … well I really love him, we’ve been together for a while now, it would be really great if we got married…
So I said yes.
It wasn’t anything like the movies… it was awkward and embarrassing. His brother was in the next room. His parents were downstairs… Ew. But we were 15 and we snuck around. That’s a reality for a lot of teenagers.
Well, we dated throughout our junior year up to Spring Break. We went away on a trip with some friends and when we got home I dropped my bags off at my parents’ house. My boyfriend took me to his parents’ house and we were watching t.v. when I got a phone call. It was my big brother. He just said that my car was blocking the driveway and I needed to come home and move it. No big deal, right?
What I didn’t know is that phone call was going to change EVERYTHING…